Damn Dirty Depression, Dealing Dastardly and Devious Defiance.

Yes! Updating at least a week from the last time I did this! I’m calling it a victory, even if it’s a shit post and I’m bringing bad news to the table. No, nothing super serious like an injury or what not, but I’m not exactly on a hot streak with my personal goals.

My excuse actually stems from a reemerging of some of my depression. It hit me out of nowhere, and it started to pile on when I had this realization that I have (had) two goals I’ve meant to hit but have failed both of them to a degree. Combine that with a strange sensation of nihilism (there’s your $20 word of the day) with the upcoming elections, media coverage, almost every day world disasters and the absolute failure this country seems to be turning into, I had a weird “what does it all mean” moment on Thursday that was oddly strange for me to deal with. Perhaps it’s a mid-life crisis, perhaps I’m just letting things get to me, but needless to say that I had this last week where everything felt bleak and dull.

Actually, something funny in hindsight, my wife chose that week as the weirdest time to cheer me up. This was made possible by the following conversation.

Me: I just feel down. I’m just looking at all of what I’m trying to do and there’s this huge gap between what makes me happy and what I need to do to make a living.

Her: It sucks, I know love.

Me: The worst part is is that I can’t even put my finger on it beyond “I’m stressed at work” and “I don’t fit in”.

Her: Well, you’re probably going through a mid-life crisis.

Me: You think?

Her: Yeah, it seems right. You’re probably just getting stressed out because you don’t think you’ve really done that much with your life.

Me: …stop encouraging me.

In truth, that’s pretty fucking funny, and I can always count on the woman I love to kick me down when I’m looking for the right way to do it to myself. That aside though, perhaps she’s not completely wrong about that, but maybe just a smidgen overzealous with her choice of words.

So yeah, about those goals of mine…

THE PUSH UP CHALLENGE

Yeah, that’s not really a victory over here. My depression helped keep me away from the gym, and as a result I spent most of my time avoiding activity. Sure, Pokemon Go! has helped me walk the dogs more, but the muscle training has been a little lackadaisical. I can do the five (poorly done) push ups on the right arm, but I’ve maxed out on three for the left side. If memory serves, I only have two days for that, so I’m just going to say it’s a loss and push myself to try to get ten on each side for next month.

Let’s see what happens when I double down, shall we?

PUBLICATIONS

Heavy Metal is still going, though last week I’d done little to advance my writing. Now that I’m feeling a second wind, I’m going to try to get back on the horse to get my base rules set up and see if I can get this stupid project off the ground. I might have to file an extension with myself, but hopefully that will be just because I need some artwork and some skills to get the polished project finished. I’m making arrangements to talk to my friends to get more done, as my creativity, being the dead car battery, will jump more to life if I have to talk myself out of a corner instead of talking to no one in my basement.

So I’ll leave this here for now and get to work. Wife’s getting back on the Beach Body train, and perhaps I’ll double down for the gym as well. Let’s get rid of all my free time, shall I?

I shall, I shall.

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