To give a serious start to this, I’ve had problems in my past with emotional turmoil and substance abuse. I’ve been diagnosed in the past with moderate depression and even self-identified myself while in the military as having thoughts of self-harm (the military PC’s way of saying I was hoping a drunk driver would collide into me on my way to work). I’ve had tough times in the past controlling bad habits of mine like smoking and excessive drinking. I never got into drug abuse considering I could always be one drug test away from losing every benefit I had for a momentary high. I’ll admit that I’ve had struggles with addiction, and I’ve quit smoking, moderate my alcohol intake to a healthier degree (doing the “glass of red wine every night” thing), and my depression is much more manageable.
So as I realize last night that I might be becoming a fitness junkie, I’m wondering where’s the support group for this?
I’ve always hated going to the gym, and the closest I ever came to working out for fun would be lap swimming, which I adore. Of course, I’d do what the military demanded of me, but the Air Force is essentially the flimsiest branch when it comes to being physically fit. My younger brother in the Army does physical training (PT) every morning before going to work, because the Army makes him. The Marines are even more intense, and even the Navy has a reputation with being in top physical shape. Air Force? Nah, just meet the minimums we set, but do it on your own time. I failed four tests total in six years, and that’s bad. Not the worst, but bad.
There does seem to be some sort of of connection with me though, between what I want to do and what I’m told to do with my personal health. I know I had to meet standards, but the motivation just wasn’t there when I had to adhere to physical standards that were unfair for my body type (fyi, every male waist had to be under 39 inches across, location of measurement varied from tester to tester). Now that I’m out, I look in the mirror and go, “huh, maybe it’d be a good idea for you to lose some weight there, big boy”, and it’s never been easier.
So Friday night, I make dinner (burger with no bun, sweet potato skins and grilled cabbage) and walk the dogs. Short walk, but it was enjoyable to a point. As soon as we get back, the wife and I set up to do total cardio for Beach Body. It’s actually not as intense as I thought it would be, but then again I can’t do any of the jumping exercises as my head is two inches from hitting the ceiling in the basement. I do work up a crazy sweat though, and as soon as it finishes I’m already late to go with the mother in law to the gym.
On the way to the gym I’m complaining. My body is starting to fail on me and I’m feeling exhausted. I promise to go through with the workout, but already I’m trying to decide which days of Beach Body I’m going to cut out. Wednesday? Friday? I’m not sure, but there’s no way I can keep this up all the time.
At Planet Fitness, I hop on the elliptical and get to work, level 17 right off the bat. By the time I’m getting to the 30 minute mark, I see that I’m already at 550 calories. F**k it, why don’t I just go a bit longer and get to 600? 33 minutes in, and there you have it.
I focused on my back for strength training for my weights.
- Back extension machine: 205 lbs:15 reps x3
- Lateral pull down: 85/100/120 lbs: 12 reps
- Dual pulley rowing: 60/70/80 lbs: 12 reps
- Dips: 100/70/70 assisted, 10/10/12 reps
- Pectoral fly/Rear deltoid machine: 40/60/70, 12 reps
After all of that, my back was a bit sore and my chest was in a surprisingly amount of pain. Still, these machines were some new records for me, and I was pumped. I got my gear, said something witty to the caretaker at the front desk (I literally said “something witty!” as I walked past), and headed out to the car.
I felt f**king giddy as a schoolgirl. My aches were manageable, my blood was pumping, my headache was gone, and I couldn’t wait to do this again. I was riding a fitness high, and it was at that point I realized I was heading down a slippery slope once again. The first step to any problem is acknowledging it.
So, for anyone who can read this, I feel like I’m becoming addicted to fitness. I look forward to my workouts, though I hate them right before. Even with that, I still take a big ol’ hit of weight training and cardio and feel amazing afterwards. It’s not draining all of my accounts, it’s leaving me in better shape every day, and the nicer foods I’ve been eating have been making me feel fuller longer and more fulfilled. Stained, sweaty shirts are becoming my attire, and I keep trying to better myself all the time.
Does anyone know where you check yourself in for this problem, and does is this considered a pre-existing condition?